I'm scared


driveA dear friend once told me a story about when he was in a car accident. He was driving late one rainy night and fell asleep at the wheel just as he was heading through a tunnel on a curve. The car smashed into the wall of the tunnel, then spinning around, bounced back toward the center and came to rest against the guard rail keeping cars from falling down the side of a ravine. Shaken and a bit confused, my friend got out of the car and started walking back toward the entrance of the tunnel.

Another motorist saw the accident and got out to help. As the good samaritan and my friend continued walking along toward the entrance of the tunnel, they heard another car coming. The road was narrow and they knew the other car would have a hard time avoiding them, not to mention the abandoned car in the tunnel. As they stood on the edge of the road, with the headlights approaching, they realized their best chance of survival was to step over the guard rail and jump over the edge of the ravine. Expecting a long hard fall, they counted to three and took the leap into the darkness.

I decided to take a leap into the darkness too.

I’m starting The Pocket PhD because the darkness ahead is less scary than the darkness I’m leaving behind.

As the Incubus song says, “Lately I’m beginning to find that I should be the one behind the wheel.” Even if there are some crashes, bumps, and bruises along the way, I’m ready to trust myself.

The good samaritan and my friend survived their leap into the darkness. They laughed when their deep ravine turned out to be a ditch filled with no more than two feet of water. I hope to meet the same fate.

“Whatever tomorrow brings, I’ll be there, I’ll be there.”